George Town, WASHINGTON, D.C.

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POLITICAL SATIRE/PARODY

(Caution Not For Children) If you are gay, you may want to skip this section of the “no spin zone“

From his upscale D.C. brownstone, in George Town, Democratic Congressman, Barney Frank, told Fox New’s Bill O’Reilly that rumors of his pending operation were accurate. The Capitol has been abuzz. Fearing that the issue might ‘hurt his position’ and influence on the upcoming health ‘scare’ legislation, the congressman decided to put rumors to rest.

Script:

O’Reilly… What say you congressman about the actual reason ‘behind’ such an important decision?

Frank…(lisping and spitting) First there were rumors and ‘inyourendo’ about my being gay, and having a gay lover who was a prostitute. It was horrible Bill. A person’s private life and what they do in the comfort of their home should not be under public scrutiny. Then well, I noticed I was growing ‘man-boobs’ and I decided what the hell.

Frank…(more lisping and spitting) I’ve been screwing ‘normal people’ since I first was elected to the House of Representatives in 1972. I thought it would be a novel idea to see what a normal screwing feels like, thus the decision for gender reassignment surgery. You know, O’Reilly, it’s going to make me a better representative of the people.

Barney’s Rump Rangers

Frank… continued (more lisping and spitting) I have always fought for what was right, I mean left, for the good of the American people.

O’Reilly…Come on congressman, I’m not buying it. You have enjoyed ‘sticking it’ to the tax payer to long, why now the change? Come on, what say you congressman?

Frank….(still lisping, spit gone) Well allegations of my past behavior have cast a dark shadow upon my heart.

I was appallingly naive. After an initial encounter in which I paid Steve Gobie $80 for sex, I tried to lift the younger man out of drugs and prostitution by hiring him to run errands. I wrote letters to Gobie’s probation officer and paid his psychiatric bills. I allowed Gobie the use of a car and sometimes my apartment when I was out of town.

O’Reilly…(shaking his head) Come on congressman your sexuality is your choice!

Frank…(screaming, spitting, and lisping) It is not, I was born this way, that’s why I want to change!

O’Reilly…That’s bull, let’s move along congressman.

After 18 months, of our sordid trysts, I dismissed Gobie upon discovering that he was bringing clients to my apartment. I mean, can you imagine Bill? Two years later, Gobie tried unsuccessfully to sell his story to the Washington Post. The little prick then gave the story to the Washington Times for nothing, in hopes of getting a book contract for the male version of The Mayflower Madam. This just broke my heart, I loved him, it was horrible. I’m serious here Bill!

O’Reilly…That’s understandable congressman.

Then there was the more recent incident of my partner at the time growing pot. I knew nothing about it and was not charged.

Fortunately for me, the House Ethics Committee could have reprimanded me. My constituents and colleagues were generally sympathetic. The scandal didn’t involve seducing a minor, and I was and am still single. It is an incident from a past secret life that has come back to haunt me again and I’ve grown so weary Bill. As I get older I want to settle down and get married.

O’Reilly (shaking his head)…Alright then congressman, I’m not really buying it, who said, “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks” but thanks for your appearance on the show.

Frank…(tearfully), Thank you Bill

O’Reilly… (still shaking his head) That’s it for tonight’s show, if you care to opine send your Emails to O’Reilly@FoxNews.com, O’Rielly@ FoxNews.com. Remember, name and town, name and town, keep your comments short and pithy. Stay tuned for Hannity.

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